French identity test

You ticked off all boxes : You are the modern reincarnation of Vercingetorix and the General de Gaulle. Your absolute favourite meal is la "Auvergnate stew" (eventhough in France nobody really knows what's in it) but you just love it. You know everything about "Calendos" cheese and last year Beaujolais. You dream of starring in "Super Dupont" as the leading actor. You listen to "La Marseillaise" all day long. All your kids are named after "Marianne", even your youngest son, which did not quite deserve that type of treatment.

You ticked off over 75% of the boxes: You are a mineral water expert, and can relate most of beverage names to historical events that made France Glory through years (Vichy, Evian). You know that drinking Chianti and eating Couscous is bad for French GDP. You are not a perfect French but you're nearly there. Read again Philippe de Villiers Memoirs while singing along la Marseillaise, that should do the trick.

You ticked off every second box : Aren't you ashamed to swap your perfect Charentaises or a pair of Turkish slippers ? You well deserve corporal punishment. You seem to prefer Mac Donald junk and Coke to the French proper food. The only way to correct that is to eat cooked boar in its bath of Cognac, at lunch and diner time, for the next coming months.

You ticked off 25% of the boxes : You actually do have a French flag, but only to clean up your windows with it ! There is simple option for your type of person: National Rehab Center where you'll be taught real French values. You are going to adore loving the Head of State, and you're going to learn to respect National Symbols and to love the French motherly soil. You're going to be sent in Creuse, for at least a year, stuck there with a bag of beans and Nicolas Sarkozy's Historical speeches. That should re-educate your warped mind.

You ticked off one box : you do not deserve our beloved great Nation and only inspire dismay and mockery. May shame throw you in some place in Siberia or in Sahara Desert. You may actually enjoy their local specialities. Placing an Eric Besson Poster (our beloved Immigration State Officer) on every wall of your house won't redeem you anymore. It's too late.

You didn't tick off any box at all : You're not French. You came obviously illegally on French soil. The "petit salé aux lentilles" makes you sick. You shake all your height at the sight of a well-done Pont-Leveque. You can only puke a millesimed Pommard. You faint at a Mireille Mathieu song. We have already booked a seat for you on a 50-seater charter going to Afghanistan. You will know better there.

Cartoon and original balloons : R*B
Analysis and comments : b.mode
Translation : Zeyesnidzeno and H16


Version anglaise destinée à nos amis d'outre-Manche...